sometimes i need some color to cheer me up

I'm just sitting in bed, looking at random things online, and listening to music.

It has been nice out, but not nice enough. and i read that we are supposed to have "snow flurries" next weekend. great. just what i need. :(

i'm happy its the end of the quarter. only about nine more weeks. we'll be graduated before we know it...even if it seems like a long ways away. it's not. i know i will be crying on the last day of school. there were so many memories at hhs. and though i'm staying in good old Fort Wayne, at least for this year, i'm still gonna miss everyone. and again i'm not. so many immature underclassmen...wont miss them!

i just wish it were May and June.

so i could wear swimsuits and lounge by a pool.

so i could take walks outside barefoot, feeling the soft grass on my toes.

so i could drive around town with all my windows down, music blaring, and shades on.

so i could wear sundresses and sun hats.

so i could sit outside and eat ice cream before it melts.

so i could feel relaxed and calm.

summer will always equal happiness, and that is true i believe for most of the society. I read an article once that said it was proven people get depressed, or if they already were-more, during the winter than any other season because the sun and just seeing sunlight gives you endorphins that make you happy.

pray it gets warm soon!

Mid Term

I'm a bit upset about my grades right now. I have fewer than seven classes...

i have a few b's one a and one c+ and my gpa is a 7....something! That just sounds completely awful to me. i think thats the lowest ive ever seen it. I took my math quarterly today...i hope that brings it up. and when mr hill puts in extra credit hopefully that helps too...

tuesday

Today started out pretty crappy; i woke up late, making me late to first period. I have a math quarterly im not too pleased about. Its cold and rainy-there was ice on my car this morning. I also thought i was gonna not have my car for good because its not mine, but i found out i think ill get to keep it anyway. Thats good. I really did not want to spend my summer money on a new car; that would have sucked...better not push my luck though...

i gave a facial to an elder woman today. it was so much fun! i love old ladies-theyre so cute.

so better day. now im gonna go work out!

okay yes i did right almost that exact thing! haha. i need to find new subjects...

good morning!

I am awake, as usual, earlier than desired. I'm just sitting in bed eating waffles, listening to music, and look at photography. I would post my favorites I've come across but it seems blogger is not very compatible with pictures...or at least it doesn't want me to; I don't know! Actually, I'm still hungry. I think I'm gonna go find some more random food. And good thing-I can eat meat today! I could never be a vegetarian; I don't feel full or like my meal is complete if it doesn't include meat. It's supposed to start getting in the mid 50's to 60's mid next week though! That will make me very happy. with rain. that is good because it will wash all the dirtiness away and the rest of the snow; however it is sad for those who live by rivers. I'm feeling a deja vu...like i might have already written this. Well i do check the weather every day....

any way...

have a good day!

Saturday Morning

...rain is falling. :)

I am happy it is raining. I wish it were a bit warmer, i would even deal with the humidity, but it's cold! All this rain is good because it is washing the old, dirty snow away that i am very sick of looking at; however its bad for people who live by rivers...that are msot likely over flooded by now so that stinks. But i feel relaxed on days like these. Then i think about how i heard it was supposed to snow starting tonight and that makes me sad. but i just checked the weather!

http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/USIN0211

it seems mostly good....hmm. we'll see. im just sitting here bored at nine in the morning eat oreos and milk. have a good day everyone! :)

Thursday=rolls

I don't know if i want to go to Morp this year. I have gone every other year and im not sure im feeling it this year--im too hyped up for Prom! that is something i most certainly cannot wait for. I am also very very upset about the end of our senior year. Graduation is still June 8th. Seniors will be excused from classes. Finals will be Monday June 6th, Tuesday June 7th, and finally Thursday June 9th. so unfortunately for all of you who thought you were gonna skip the day after graduation, good luck getting your actual diploma. This information is 85% legit. Just letting you know how messed up everything is. Going to Flattop :)

Life

Does anyone else feel like they're ready? To just start living, going to college, and shooting towards your goals?

Yes of course we're seniors are we are very ready to be done with high school and move on. Many will go travel and try to "find themselves"; others will go straightaway into their studies to become a lawyer or doctor. Then, there will be those who choose to work and kind of float through life like an unintended bubble you made with dish soap .

Whatever road you choose to drive down. its your life and you should do what makes you happy-happiness is considered human success after all. Summer is coming soon, though, and I'm sure that makes most of us extremely happy. :)

Weekend

well unfortunately another weekend comes to a close. It was a good one, though. I went to go see I am Number Four and I have to say it was one of the greatest movies I have seen in a long time. Hopefully there will be a sequel to it. If you have not seen it yet you should go as soon as possible. It's about this boy, though not technically a boy because he is from another planet. I know other planets and aliens must sound really dumb and sci-fi-y, but it was really good! People from his planet who want to take over Earth are after him and the few others like him. So he goes from place to place and flees when dangers comes. Of course it has a little romance and drama in it, but it's worth seeing!

Service

Today, i went to Sprint to attempt to fix my cell phone, because the camera was taking "green" pictures and appeared as if it was wearing night vision goggles. I sat in a black cushion chair playing with my hair for about an hour. This technician cleared my phone, meaning he erased my settings, downloads, and all texts and picture mails and putting in a new camera to see if it would function correctly--it didn't. So they have ordered me a new phone-of the exact same kind-which will arrive on Friday. I'm happy because I love my phone to pieces. I really do, even if EVERYONE else hates it. But.....I'm just ready for a change. I want the Evo 4g...i think it's called. Oh well...

The Third Letter ♥

Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Equality

We all have the same opportunities. The world is fair that way, for the most part. What we do with ourselves is usually completely on ourselves. Of course people who come from a background with money always have a step up, however that's just it: people don't always techinically all begin at the "starting line" and only a select few can walk away from the race with a trophy. In simplicity, life is not fair. It's really not. Yes, those who earn more must pay more taxtes, to make it "equal" to those who earn a lesser income, but how is that fair? If they went to school and worked long and hard for that money, why don't they deserve every penny of that? For those who start from absolute rock bottom and struggle for the rest of their lives, is that fair? If they made a few poor choices, then maybe because it may only taken you one slip-up, one teeny tiny little thing to ruin everything. Is it right for those people to live in misery? Is it right for us to choose whether someone dies or not? Even if they murdered a person, are we not committing the same sin, even if they "did it first"? Is it fair for you to decide if your neighbor should have her baby aborted or not? Life is gray, plain and simply complicated.

Remembering Summer Days

The first paragraph of "Innocence is Bliss" was well written in that she uses a present day to bring up a memory, and that it was something as simple as a song that brought back all those memories; I can relate to that because most songs I always make an association with every song, so each one reminds me of a different memory. Her depiction of her middle school days were accurate I thought, making me rememmber the "auctions", home ec class, and 8th grade graduation. Many parts of the essay like when she says Colin wanted to wave at her, but it was uncool to wave so he didn't; she waved anyway and her friends giggled and about trying to wear all the latest clothes to try to be "popular" fit very well the personna of being in middle school, or freshly out of because middle schoolers are loud, and silly, and immature and Innocent! Then, as she says "people begin to dread the familiar feeling of heading back to school" and it is then realized that summer as just a weird little kid is over, because now you're in high school and that forces you to grow up a bit.

Irritation

Blogger is being really ridiculous and I am angry at it! Why does it not let me select photos and post them? Or even let me enter the code tag and post it that way?!!? Grr...

Random Thoughts

I did not enjoy writing the "A night out with..." essay. I feel like it was harder for it to sound like it flowed and interpret the descriptions in the same ways. So I'm sure mine sounded a bit odd, and not as descriptive as my first essay. I now have empathy for the author of "Painting with Neil", because I did not enjoy that essay too much and I thought it sounded choppy and was just uninteresting. Now that I have mine to compare it to, I know that it was hard to focus on just one person and make the essay believable. My favorite of the three essays was "A Practiced Grace" because that essay was really well written and flowed nice, even though yes coffee shops are now a bit overdone, but oh well! Faja happened to be the most popular, but I think it's because it was different. I didn't like that one a lot either. There were parts of it that I thought we good like the ending when Maverick says, "As the son of a sailor, his soul is free with the ocean". That whole paragraph I can imagine the father sitting looking out at the ocean in contentment; that would be me as well. Looking out at the beach, would just put me in a place of utter serenity and freedom. Letting the waves rock you from one side to the next, enjoying the sun beaming down on me and sand between my toes. I have only been to the beach a few times, but I consider it to be my happy place.

Quote

"There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan one's cheek."

Writing to "A Practiced Grace"

Starbucks is a place some come to every day, order their usual drink of choice and leave or stay to work, “to escape the noise and household problems that having three kids to manage along with a career bring.” Miller says. A clear theme isn’t expressed in his piece; it might be how people live in their own world, continuing a steady pace and rhythm they are familiar with. He follows one barista at his stay in this Starbucks. He revolves every piece of his description around her, entering her world; seeing, hearing, smelling what she does. He seems to tell everyone’s story, guessing why they are here. I liked how he seemed to be a fly on the wall, however being third-person limited. When he says "she looks, as every barista should, as if she belongs here" I'm not quite sure what he means by that. Does that mean that he is profiling Starbucks employees? Isn't it a place where all kinds of people come? It appears he uses this moment of time to open himself up into this barista's world, when he says, "And I feel connected to her as I look out at the world she watches go by from this safe haven disguised as a coffee shop." Liker saying, everyone is peaceful and comfortable in their own place in the world, time passing you by and you running through the same path over and over again. 

Leading "The Way to Rainy Mountain"

This essay was much less interesting to read than was "Ground Zero", perhaps because I did not have much of a personal tie to the Native American Culture. I did like, the story within the essay, though about how the Big Dipper came to be; that was my favorite part.
I think this piece serves more of a memoir than anything for the grandmother of the author. It may also express freedom in the wilderness. "There is a perfect freedom in the mountains, but it belongs to the eagle, and the elk, the badger, and the bear." I take this as, only the animals of nature can be free. City-bound people, workaholics, even stay-at-home moms don't get to feel and enjoy the freedom animals do. Sometimes this bounding feeling of chains tied to my arms and legs overwhelms me, brought on by the stress of life. No one said life was going to be this stressful. Reading things like this essay that describe all the beauties and wonders of nature help tranquilize me sometimes, thinking of calm serene places and let your mind just float away.
Another suggestible theme might be to preserve and experience your culture. Momaday talks about his ancestors' history, namely his grandmother who is the primary reason is writing this essay. Remebering her, "standing at the wood stove.." and "turning meat in a great iron skillet". Momaday says "I can have her only in memory" which as time passes is true for us in many people. Death and grief may be one of the hardest things humans must live through, and remembering the best moments is often how we pull through.

A Thought to "Ground Zero"

Suzanne Berne's theme of her essay "Ground Zero" is to reflect a piece of devastating history in her words, seeing it through her eyes.She is explaining what it is to see nothing, only to find it is in fact something; it is absence. She says, "This is the moment when absences begins to assume a material form, when what is not there becomes visible." Her tone suggests that this catastrophic event, this place she is visiting brings people together in a time of need, in a time confusion where everyone is trying to make sense of what has occurred. Berne first sets the mood by saying it was a "cold, damp March morning" paying her respects to the people who used to come to work everyday, until the day they didn't come; the day when there was no place to go with many other people from all over the country, and the world. The paragraph about ground zero looking like a construction site is symbolic to the spirits of thousands of Americans, coming together to build hope and spread patriotism. She shares with her fellow onlookers the sense of confusion and she assumes they try to "superimpose" the images from television and newspapers to the emptiness that lay ahead. I preferred this piece to Momaday's "The Way to Rainy Mountain" because I felt it was more alive, like I could be standing next to Berne my mouth agape as i stood staring at the horror before me. This might be because This event is something most all Americans can coincide with, as opposed to a culture many have never even heard of. Her last paragraph stood out to me the most; how she takes note that everyone there witnessing the scene with her can be there for a multiple of reasons, but that they are all there "repopulating" the site once more.